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Our Acceptance Of The Referral Is Set In Stone

Cross the stone border
I’ve said it before, and while it’s nothing new, I’ll say it again: “Things change. People change. Everything changes.” In an ever changing world around us we are clinging to the idea that once something is set in stone – it’s there forever. Sometimes this good old “set in stone” isn’t enough, so not too long ago Russia’s then President wanted his words chiseled in marble… that, in case you are wondering, didn’t help much in terms of preserving things forever. Things change. We are designed to deal with changes. So, let’s deal with em.

There is a clearly defined process for adopting a child from a foreign country, and while steps of the process are not set in stone, chiseled in marble, or cast in iron, we all, be it adoptive parents, adoption agencies, or any other entities involved, must follow that process.

How does that relate to the topic of referrals? Well, a piece of paper, or an electronic transmission, from a foreign government is not  an unbreakable covenant between a family and that governmental entity, it’s a notification. Just as you can decline a referral, one can be withdrawn by following a procedure. In a case where a national of that country decides to adopt the child referred to a foreign family, the procedure in some places is as simple as notifying the foreign family of the fact that a domestic family is interested.

Does this happen often? No, it doesn’t. Does it ever? Yes, it does.

Is there anything we can do to make sure your adopted child comes home? Yes, we, and now we is you and us, can get paperwork done in a instant, get your court hearing scheduled, hope the judge makes a decision in your favor, and hope there aren’t any objections during the appeal period.

When I was describing this to a family over the phone, they told me that there is a lot of hope, and not enough things being definite. It’s true, but it’s also the nature of the international adoption.

It doesn’t mean that your adoption process won’t go well and without any complications, because there are a lot of adoptions like that. Why don’t we hear much about those? Well, parents got their kids home, and they are busy. They have places to go, things to see, family to visit, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews to play with, and they just don’t have time to be online and talk about how everything went well. Being a good parent takes time, and while some parents manage to incorporate some internet time into their tightly packed schedules, what are they going to tell you about their process that went well? We ask our parents for their success stories, and you know the most difficult part? Aside from parents being busy with the kids, their adoption story is usually two sentences in an email. “Everything went fine. It was quick. We didn’t really notice much. Sorry, got to go, John has soccer practice.”

Can your process be easy and simple? Yes. Can it be guaranteed? No.
What can you do to make sure everything is done and behind you? Cross the US border with your adopted child.

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